Are you smoking crack?
"The Belgian Waffler" wrote in message
news:31a34cbb.0311050105.71d3c019@posting.google.com...
> Although Americans are quite used to the existence of their neighbour
> to the north, few actually realize just how remarkable is the
> continued existence of this barely viable state.
>
> Lacking a national identity beyond a desperation to appear distinct
> from the southern neighbour they claim to loathe but generally, and
> secretly, envy, Canada is a concept neither particular logical nor
> particularly pleasing, as evidenced by the number of Canadians who
> aspire to be Americans and by those who actually depart to the south,
> for matters of either personal preference or just a desire to have a
> decent job. Canada does receive plenty of immigration - however, this
> is generally from parts of the Earth so poor and worthless that any
> place is preferable.
>
> Every single Canadian who has chosen America as his or her place to
> live knows this to be true. Some will deny it, but they live a lie,
> either deceitfully or through their own self-deception.
>
> Of course, many Canadians would prefer to live on the land they
> currently occupy and simply enjoy all that America has to offer -
> decent jobs, decent health care, direct democracy as opposed to having
> the majority of their so-called 'representatives' chosen for them like
> a parent orders a meal for a 3-year-old - and the answer herein lies
> not in physical flight to America but in being accepted into the
> American political system. A recent poll of Canadians showed that a
> remarkable 20% of this first-world nation actually desired being
> turned into simply a cold and frozen corner of America. While
> presumably not all that surprising from the American point of view,
> the notion that such a large minority of a relatively prosperous
> nation care so little about their national identity is revealing. So
> is the fact that a whopping 40% of Canadians want to chuck their
> currency for the American dollar. Clearly, Canada was weaned by
> Mother England only to latch itself firmly onto America's tit.
>
> It is not really that surprising. Canada has never willingly left the
> England's nest, clinging fiercely to the silly woman they call a Queen
> and embracing her as a titular leader. Have a look at the disastrous
> marriages of that woman's children, Chuck and Andy - they are about as
> successful as spouses as is Canada as a nation. And Canada, in a nod
> to the Prince of Wales, clearly desires to be America's tampon.
>
> Look at her dysfunctional politics with all their regional idiocy.
> 103 ridings in Ontario and 100 of them are represented by Liberals?
> 97% of one party is a disastrous proportion entirely antithetical to
> notions of power balancing. Meanwhile, Alliance rules the west but is
> unknown out east. Then there's the farcical fact of the Bloc
> Quebecois, a party dedicated to not being part of Canada. Finally,
> the pitiful Conservatives and New Democrats clinging pointlessly to a
> few offices, like lichen on a rock at 20,000 feet. It just makes you
> wonder - why do they even bother?
>
> Any so-called union between Canada and America will, of course, be
> nothing of the sort. Fortunately, most Canadians are cognizant of the
> fact that 'union' will be on American terms. And most know that in
> the end, reality will crush pride beneath it's cruel heel and Canada
> will become simply a region of the United States of America.
>
> So, it is clear that the notion of Canada being subsumed into a
> greater American system is not only possible but a likely
> inevitability. Canada will be rather like Texas - a regional which
> briefly experimented with independence but in the end decided that
> they were better off being ruled from afar. Who knows? Maybe a U.S.
> state carved out of what we now know as Canada will send a President
> to Washington, D.C., as Texas itself has done repeatedly.
>
> The scenario for assimilation? 1995, and a few thousand Quebecers
> voting otherwise, of course. We all know that, in the end, for all
> the bluster of Canadian nationalists, they are not about to prevent a
> Quebec secession. Quebec departs, Canada dithers and despairs and
> crumbles. Make no mistake - Canada is a fine place full of fine
> people. The world is full of weak and feeble people who are
> nonetheless fine. But their futility and impotence still has
> consequences, no matter how fine they might be.
>
> British Columbia and Alberta - These provinces might flirt briefly
> with independence, perhaps together. But they are also the most
> likely to welcome becoming part of America. They will make excellent
> states.
>
> Saskatchewan and Manitoba - Well, they're small, boring as hell, and
> the notion that anyone wants to live there makes one scratch his head.
> But, Americans live in North Dakota and Kansas, so that just goes to
> show - everywhere is home sweet home to some people, no matter how
> much self-deception is required to hold such a view.
>
> Ontario - Hell, this would make an excellent eastern American state.
>
> Quebec - Quebec can take it or leave it. There will be no special
> favours for the French Canadians. America isn't going to . around
> pandering and offereing special rights just to induce a bunch of
> people who don't want to be Americans to stick around. And let's face
> it - if not for the bribes that ROC have offered to keep Quebec in the
> loop, she long ago would have bolted. Ironically, smelling the coffee
> and realizing that America, unlike ROC, can't be extorted just might
> be what it takes to make the erstwhile independence-minded Quebecers
> to grow up and stop their nonsense. Children often respond positively
> once they finally encounter a parental role-model with some resolve
> and conviction.
>
> New Brunswick/Newfoundland/Nova Scotia/Prince Edward Island - These
> small and Godforsaken places will be given a choice to join into one
> State or to be territories. Most assuredly, nostalgic notions of
> provincial identity will give way to pragmatic reality and they'll
> join under the prescribed rules. The new State can be called
> "Atlantic" or The Maritimes" or somesuch.
>
> But, will America acquiesce to this arrangement? It will take awhile
> to bring Canada up to speed with the American work ethic and generally
> attitudes of self-preservation and independence. While Canadians
> surely have that potential, they will for awhile be charity cases,
> States that parasitically drain more resources from the whole than
> they give back - they will be much like the American South in this
> regard. Alberta and British Columbia will be exceptions and will
> likely immediately reap the rewards of being Aerican with admirable
> vigour. Indeed, if America is smart, they will accept only these
> provinces, and maybe Ontario. But then they'd probably be obligated
> to also take the surrounded breadbasket provinces, and at that point
> the Maritimes might as well be taken under wing as well.
>
> American Democrats will love the arrangement at first as they fondly
> dream of all the Democrats that these new Americans will elect. After
> all, the traditional Canadian parties will quickly become 21st Century
> versions of the Whigs. But the Democrats may find that these northern
> Liberals are more left than they like. Oh, the political theater! As
> for Republicans, they might hold only Alberta, so long as they accept
> very moderate Republicans. But in the end, that primal urge for
> manifest destiny will compel American Republicans to support actions
> that will pull their own party somewhat to the left, albeit only for a
> generation, perhaps.
>
> Your thoughts?
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