1st off...cheers BEP's for all the posts through the years, as you
ALL have helped me learn sooo much about the processes of what we all
go through.
I am a USC married to a Brit (finally) and have gone thru just as
much as the next to get to where we are today. I met my husband 4
years ago as this whole experience has been not only empowering but
rewarding in the end. (People who has had the trials and
tribulations will know what I mean).
I had taken a seasonal job at the start of the year to make a couple
of other ends meet until hubby got his EAD and my other biz picked
back up. On hiring day...the employer asked me why I was taking the
job as I already had one, and I proceeded to explain my situ about
the I-864 guidelines and I believe that's when the 'frowns and
opinions' started. At first, I didn't notice alot because of me
being new and not really communicating on social levels. But as my
personality came out abit more and weeks passed, we all became
comfortable around each other and opening up abit. My husband would
come visit me at my job at times & co-workers would visit with him in
amasement of our relationship as far as how we met/married/etc, but
negative comments would always come by way of the employer. He would
make derogatory statements about cultural differences pertaining to
him, ie: accent..the way he 'rolls a cig'..4 cups of tea a day. At
first, my husband and I blew it off, thinking he was just a bit
jeoulous..until we thought "how dare him ? he's not of American
decent..either!" It got worst when he made a comment to him one time
about 'not being able to find a women from his "own country" and "why
did he have to come to the states, isn't his county bound enough to
employ/live/marry. I made the comment back to him stating "this is
the land of the Free..meaning we can live 'our lives' the way we want
to..without being judged. The comments proceeded well into the
months of employment..until I got to the point of reminding him that
'I' work here..not my husband, and to lay off the comments. He
responded with "just remember who signs your paychecks that go to YOU
& Your Immigrant husband". My attitude started to change as I had
been coming home stressed and tired. I wasn't sleeping and it was
effecting my work. I was pulled into the office by a manager about
performance. Was asked what was taking a toll on me, but I was
relectant to tell her..due to the fact that the 'owner' was my
problem & I knew I wouldn't have any back-up. Needless to say...my
husband asked me to quit due to stress..at that time he had gotten
his EAD and was taking care of BOTH of us properly. Being a 'whistle-
blower on a boss' is one thing...loosing a second income was another,
even if it turned out at that time that 'my job' was our extras for
rainy-days. My husband and I decided on a date for me to put in my
two-weeks notice. Before the day came..I was pulled in after a shift
(I believe I told someone I trustd of my intentions..and it leaked)
and was instantly terminated. I live in a 'will to work state', but
being always decent & trusting with my manager, I asked why the term
and wasn't given any.
Since then, I have not been able to sleep..eat..think, nothing. It's
like I'm living in some kind of depression due to devastation. I
believe it was unjust. There's alot more is in this dilima..but
those are the basics. I believe in having a boss & I have nothing
but the up-most respect for them. I'm not an insubordinant person,
but I also believe in fairness, especially if they are disrespectfull
to 'me or mine'. I have also talked to others from the job recently
and found that he was that way with not just someone for another
region of the world, but interracial relationships..as well. I wake
at hours during the nights with nightmares of this. My husband has
had enuff and as pleaded with me to just let it go & experice this as
a stepping-stone in life and to just learn from it. Learn what ?!
That ppl can just walk all over us 'just' because we 'choose' to be
who we are ? I've talked also to a lawyer friend of mine & he has
'somehow' covinced me that 'i just cant let it go-because i havent
receive any explaination..and to just go after him for 'pain &
suffering'. *typical*
....ha ha, I laughed. but...what if ?
If I'm venting..oh well. Overreacting...hmmm?
But if anyone can slide me some help/advice/knowledge, I am
grateful.
~ T's G ~
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