"PJ O'Donovan" wrote in message
news:1165491236.369267.317100@79g2000cws.googlegroups.com...
>
>
> An unsolicited email:
>
> "WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT,
> DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
>
> My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has
> been completed.
>
> Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
> mission in Iraq is complete.
>
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
> now to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
> which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
> short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
> some of the countries listed there.
>
> The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
> distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
> nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
> Iraqi war.
>
> The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
> Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
>
> Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic ? Call France.
>
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
> will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
> of the earth.
>
> Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
>
> I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
> France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
> retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
> UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
> parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
> shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to
> this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
> tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be
> turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New
> York.
>
> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
> try not pissing us off for a change.
>
> Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt
> government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple
> extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am
> going to put em? Yep, border security.
>
> Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -
> starting now.
>
> We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
> oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for
> decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this
> decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
> They care.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
> citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying,
> "darn tootin."
>
> Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
> world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
> the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
> eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final
> thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
>
> To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to
> speak Arabic.
>
> God bless America. Thank you and good night.
>
> If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read it in English,
> thank an American soldier."
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Not bad. But I would also say, if there is one more peep out of Iran
about wiping anybody off the map...they will disappear within the hour.
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