On 12/14/2003 9:25 PM cinnamonsmom performed amanuensis:
>can someone give me some insight. i am anglo from the u.s. married, happy, speak enough spanish to get by, but not fluent. met a guy from nigaragua speaks no english, here working, trying to send money home, also married. He has started making suggestions that we could hook up, like neither spouse has to know, and we could just have our own thing on the side. I could not so that to my husband, but it seems like he doen't have the same dedication to his wife. thoughts??
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Latin america has a whole tradition of "don't ask - don't tell" when it
comes to matters of passion. The wives know but choose not to know or
vice versa. It is also part of machismo for a man to be married and
have someone on the side. This is especially true if he is far from
home. His love for his wife and family is not diminished, but a man has
"needs". It's just ., friendship may be involved (. buddies) but in
the end he is dedicated to his wife and children back home. Some men
have a man on the side instead of a woman as unwanted pregnancy doesn't
come into the picture. In Brazil women may do the same, and have a
woman on the side. But, they are not gay, they are just having . with
someone of convenience. It's a different culture than here in the US.
Having . is recreational, just like going to the beach.
If you are happily married and don't want to complicate your life with
an affair - just say no. He will try to change your mind, but if you
let it be known that you are firm, he will move on to someone else.
--
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Brian M. Kochera
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